Dear Bill, please print the following, sign, and deliver to Chris Cosh. Please...
ATTN: Chris Cosh
From: LHC Bill Snyder
Dearest Chris,
I will begin this letter by first apologizing for not having enough time lately to properly supervise and coach you on the finer points of fielding a successful division 1 defense. My son recently brought it to my attention that we seem to be having some problems, both during practice and during games on Saturdays of having “players make plays.” Though you know how deeply I feel about improving morale and teaching young people how to be successful in both playing football and preparing for life after school, perhaps I have not made it totally clear that my focus is primarily on young people in our football program. Though I appreciate your dedicated and fairly routine attempts to get youngsters national recognition for having outstanding performances on the football field, I would be remise if I did not notify you that most of those players are playing for opposing teams. Though I have too little space in this document to list all of those youngsters names (like Taylor Martinez, Rodney Stewart, Blaine Gabbert, Austen Arnoud, Brandon Weedon, Kendall Hunter, Robert Griffin III, Ronnie Weaver and Jeff Godfrey) I’m sure if you go back and actually review film from some prior games, you can probably generate a fairly long list. Though I know you usually don’t review game footage, at this point I would recommend it so you can actually follow the point I’m trying to make.
(I would like to point out however, that you can feel free to be a more active participant in my Kansas Mentors Program.)
I just had John Currie in my office and we had a nice little chat about numbers and what they could possibly mean. As you know, I do not read the interwebs or have need for things like calculators, but John seems fairly enamored with them and seems convinced that having a Defense rated in the 100s throughout the season is actually a bad thing. Evidently, it’s supposed to be the other way around, with a lower number “better.” I’m all for getting a little bit better every day and I was under the impression that, since your numbers kept getting higher each week, you were doing better, but alas, that is not the case.
Though I feel you’re like family… (like a distant cousin that somehow shows up on Thanksgiving, eats all the food, clogs up your toilet and then slips away into the night) my hand is forced and I’m going to have to ask you to resign from your position as Defensive coordinator. We do need some extra help in the front office with things like shredding financial documents and the like so if you’d like to stay involved with K-State athletics, by all means feel free to do so.
I do hope you’ll stay around to watch your son get his chance at being an active participant on the practice field and be a good cheerleader as any father should. To help with those endeavors, please find the enclosed Powercat™ visors for you and your family. We look forward to seeing you (in the stands) in the future.
Thanks,
LHC Bill Snyder
