Mr. KK-
Longtime listener, first-time caller.
Full disclosure: I've been lurking like crazy on goEMAW since this fall--mostly on the football board, but sometimes on the basketball board, too. I consider it to be the most elite/premium of any rebel BBS, and am quite familiar with the cast of characters who navigate that little corner of The Tubes known as goEMAW. I anxiously await every _Fan or Pan or 'Hatter or PW post, I couldn't wait for the last of pigaggy to leave (Pondwater Jack is the worst), I despise Fitz even though I've never spent a second on his site, I think SD's "fighting you" threads are muy excellente (though I do think he tries to pad his post count every now and then), and every time I can't figure out an acronym, I just email SkinBenz (or his Canadian friend) about it.
Bottom line: I spend too much of my time on this BBS...and I don't even subscribe to premium!
So when I found out via facebook that Shwan had passed away unexpectedly, I was of course bummed out, and immediately went to goEMAW to see if anyone had mentioned it. When I first checked, no one had, but the bad news was posted pretty quickly after I first went to the site.
As expected, there has been a mix of heartwarming stories, admiration, and tributes to your buddy (and EMAW hero) Shwan. From my acquaintance with him from HS, and from my time on the 'boards, this came as no surprise. Even the outpouring of support from other BBSes wasn't all that surprising, given what I knew about FFF's life online. Shwan was a fun, charismatic guy, and a huge EMAWer, and he deserves every nice word that has been written about him.
But I can't sit here and write (meaningful) platitudes about Shwan, because the truth is that I didn't know him that well. I kind of knew him from his days of go-rilla tennis, a few conversations we shared about the K-State Cats Purple University football team when we were both in HS, and a conversation we had when the US invaded Iraq (naive HS me was kind of surprised he wasn't super pumped about what it would mean to overthrow SH).
So, given that my interaction with him ceased almost ten years ago, why is it that I've been thinking constantly about his passing this weekend? Why did I Google 'fatty4ksu' and read his old posts on random BBSes (Tennessee? Arizona???)? Why do I keep getting dust in my eyes every time I read some of the nice things being said about Shwan? I think for two reasons:
1) Because you are a solid dude, were the greatest of #2 dubs partners, and you shouldn't have to be hurting like you are. It makes me sad and mad that you lost your friend, and that Shwan's family lost their brother/son/etc. If I remember right, you're not too into the P's part of "T's and P's," but I am, and at church today I was pretty mad at the Big Guy on your (and everyone's) behalf.
2) Shwan's passing makes me think a lot about what it meant to be EMAW when we were growing up--from Frank Hernandez to Andre Coleman in the Weiser Lock to tearing down KU's goalposts in Lawrence to The Unthinkable Game to the 2003 Dr. Pepper. I never really realized before leaving MHK for college that not everyone completely immerses themselves in college football, or that a lot of people outside of the Sunflower State think it's weird for a grown man to wear purple regularly. I just grew up a faithful EMAW--though certainly not as EMAW as Shwan--and thought that K-State Cats Purple University was all there was to the sports world. When we grew up was a great time to be a Wild Wild Cat, and I'm glad I got to share that with Shwan, and you, and the thousands of other EMAWs.
Truthfully, I became less EMAW during the mid-00's/Wooly years (though I was never a huge bball guy in the first place). It was a combo of the teams being worse (sorry BatCatz, I'll never be that into you), the distance from the Apple, feeling disconnected from Ron P, and the fact that I was growing up and starting to have responsibilities to a future wife/kids. I still watched a lot of games (and made her watch some), but certainly not all of them.
Recently, as I found this BBS and as I realized how into the JYC I was, and as LHCBS brought the team back to prominence, I became more and more EMAW. I watched more games, I bought (and wore) more tees, and made my wife watch more youtube clips (most made by Shwan) so she could just
get it like I got it. When I first started reading goEMAW, I never needed anyone to tell me who fattyfatfat was IRL, because I could already tell (It took me longer to uncover you, Mr. KK.), even though I hadn't talked to him in 10 years. His
was that strong.
And in large part because of him, my EMAW started growing again. But my EMAW still wasn't as big as it was during DoD--mainly because a part of me kept reminding myself how trivial college sports is, and how little it matters in the context of the real world. Even this January as we lost to pigaggy in the Southwestern Bell, I just turned off the TV and thought, "Oh well, at least we got those bowl practices in...and just think about NEXT YEAR." (#teamsams)
Now that Shwan has passed, I've been thinking a lot in the last 36 hours what it means to be a K-State Cats Purple University fan, and the joy that something so trivial can bring to a group of people--tucks and Rebel BBS'rs alike. Suddenly, an EMAW switch has been flipped in me, and I'm starting to feel again like I felt from 1989-2003. I'm wearing a K-State tee even though it's freezing outside, and dressing my kids in KSU Qhuaåtz stuff, because this part of the world just needs more purple, man. I'm going to skip out of work on Thursday to watch the Phillips 66, which I wouldn't have done a month ago. And when my kids get older, I'm going to brainwash them into loving the KSU Wild Wildcats, even though that means a lifetime of perpetual heartache, and almost-had-its, and "you know purple is a gay color, right?", and just enough happy moments to make them think, "Hey, maybe we really could win it all if only X, Y and Z happens" until they get the inevitable (leave it on the other board). Before this weekend, my kids were going to be K-State fans because their dad was a K-State fan. Now? They're going to be f-ing EMAW, man.
And they're not going to be EMAW because Shwan passed. They're going to be EMAW because his passing helped me realize that it's a true blessing to be a fan of K-State Cats Purple University, and that something as trivial as college sports in the middle of 'flyover country' can mean something (a whole hell of a lot, actually) to a great group of people.
There are few people on earth who love any
thing as much as Shwan loved the KSU Cats. And his far-too-early passing will leave a hole in the EMAW world that can never be replaced. Even if we all just cheer a little bit harder to make up for his absence, we all know that it won't be the same without him, and that the OOD/BSFS will be a little less purpley.
Mr. KK, I know these words or any others can't make up for the loss you, your family, and Shwan's family are experiencing right now. But I can tell you this:
On Thursday, I'm going to stop everything and watch my JYCs. And next Fall, before we play the first football game of our first-ever national championship-winning season, I'm going to crack open a CATPAK, cue up "Birth of Kansas State Football," point up to the sky, and try to be a little bit more like Shwan.
Because I am a 'Cat football fan, and there is nothing better on the earth.T's and P's, fatty. T's and P's.
