Topics

1

Kansas State Football / DR. PEPPER GENERAL

« on: November 28, 2022, 03:59:28 AM »

I want you to bathe in the spices. And herbs. And sensations. And peppers. All 74 of them. The tangy almonds, the picante pinecones, the spongy delight, the antagonistic implications, existentialism on prom night, wasting youth, waning synapses, and hollowed self. Real, hand-picked vanilla, Dr. Larry Cherry, and co-dependent step-mommys blown into shore by the gentle embrace of the sea. 

It’s science. If you can’t see it, you become it. If you yearn it, you print it. Each year draining your soul, each moment fueling its voyage. From top to bottom, left to right, the poles don’t matter in this universe.

And thus you navigate, running low on your glorious liquid, determined to make it last. Because there is nothing like the ‘pepper. You could be starving in the Maldives…’pepper. You could be frozen in the Everglades…’pepper. Traveling north, south, west, east…’pepper. Self-checkout…’pepper. Rhianna…’pepper.

So I implore you to keep the venture on high, higher than the trees upon which you climb to prospect. Because Dr. Pepper is not a gas station. It’s a lifestyle. One that is earned. Is entrusted. Is sealed.

Dr. Pepper. For. The. Ones. Who. Get. It. Done.

2

Jerome Tang Coaches Kansas State Basketball / Do we suck or are we good? (HBBIQ answers ONLY, all others will be banned)

« on: December 02, 2020, 06:42:12 PM »

I’m rough ridin' serious don’t eff with me.

3

Kansas State Football / Ok folks get into formation: is Kate Hudson important to this football team?

« on: June 08, 2019, 05:53:58 AM »

Is he crucial to the success of our dudes and cats on and off the field? Or is she just a distraction? He’s been hanging around the the Student Union a lot lately and seeing her there makes me really uncomfortable, especially when I see him trying to tell our receivers to slow up before finishing routes. Why did we hire him if she’s just gonna give bad advice to our up and coming graduates? I honestly heard him tell one of our boys that her soup usually tastes like fabric softener and she stressed that this is normal and fine. Seriously, the Hollywood star said it right there next to ahearn, he practically yelled it at one of our poor innocent lads.

I will go ahead and put in my vote to the council on Eden that he is not crucial to the success of our football team. She honestly eats rough ridin' fish sticks with canned pralines. This cannot continue.

4

Kansas State Football / K—State BCS Playoff Bowls Playoff Chances?? Soy muy blanco

« on: November 04, 2018, 02:24:38 AM »

Are them (said chances of playoff births) in doubt?

I’m seriously in my early stages of nervousness. Signaled by dilated pupils at all times, an amazing superhero bloooooooodpress of 160/120, and my cheekbones have raised almost a quarter inch oft crest past near(ish) noon. Plus my rabbit is looking at me with his side eye. Not front eye or back eye. Side. Eye.

wtf i thought we were a lock for bcs bowl playoff championship preseason????

Anyways go stats.

5

Kansas State Football / My shitty mustache is full of the "Flamin' Hot" flavor of everything...

« on: August 26, 2018, 02:47:17 AM »

And I have a few questions regarding the start of our men's fam ass [redacted] fuckin team ass prototype teamey teamisherter teamey "g" crap

Seriously, eff a eff, and don't let anything negative drag you down

6

Kansas State Football / American Football Questions

« on: August 28, 2017, 04:00:29 AM »

Hello friends i am contacting you as a new american football fan from the great land of KAZAKHSTAN. I have picked the Wild Cats (or maybe Rowdy Cats?) as my new favorite team because Kansas is in the middle of northern America and there is a city there. Also, purple is a signal for snow cap run-off in my culture and I love snow cap run-off

1. When the deep voice guys on television say "1st and 10" or "3rd and three" is there a bunch of math involved or is it more simple than that? I don't really want to do any more math than I need to
2. Why is the score for a touchdown 6, and not like...68 or something? Seems arbitrary
3. Are we (the Rowdy Cats fans of Kansas America) going to be good this harvest season? I want promotion into the England Premier League as soon as possible if I'm going to remain a supporter
4. Can the games be moved forward 11 hours? This time differential is going to eff my poophole until it is brown and black
5. There are so many white lines on the field, I feel like I am watching Tron or some movie similar with a bunch of lines. What do the lines mean? Are they like goals?
7. Speaking of colors, the ball is brown. Is this of significance?
8. Is SteveDave on this website as much of a little bitch as she seems to be?
9. How many weapons are allowed in this sport?
10. Speaking of weapons, how is our linebacker depth in terms of short-field cover options, mainly referring to these speedy pass-catching backs that seem to be cropping up in every offense across the Major 5
11. I'm looking into doing crack cocaine in extraordinary amounts in the next few weeks. Am I going to die?
12. There are also too many white numbers on the pitch, begging the question: how much rough ridin' math is involved in this dumb bullshit? Too many white people too.
13. Who would you rather want to eff in a gay way: Ryan Gosling, Max Schneider, Brano Mares, or Brad? My brown friend asked me to ask this just now haha
15. It seems food used to be more pure 150 years ago, what exactly triggered the change from natural food harvesting processes to mass manufacturing, preservatives, and genetic engineering. Was it overpopulation, or something more sinister?
16. THE grass on the pitch always has a bunch of different colored green stripes in it, some light, some dark. Symbolism?
17. When people go into bars with friends, how do they acquire the friends?
18. Why don't they just put all the players lined up before the score line and block all the score attempts? It's the simplest thing in the world outside of simple cell function.
19. The whole sport seems arbitrary?
20. Is everything arbitrary?
14. How do you know if you are gay?

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Kansas State Football / OFFICIAL® 2016: Are we going to be good this year? Thread (ONLY HFBIQ ALLOWED)

« on: July 07, 2016, 01:26:44 PM »

MODERATOR EDIT: ONLY POSTERS WITH HFBIQ WILL BE ALLOWED TO POST. POSTERS WITH LFBIQ WILL BE BANNED IMMEDIATELY AND INDEFINITELY

Are we going to be good this year? Asking for a friend

Who is on our team even? Asking for a different friend

Make it quick too, please, as I am currently bleeding profusely after attempting to make an ice cube sandwich while listening to James Blake's "Limit To Your Love".

Please respond. Please send help.

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Jerome Tang Coaches Kansas State Basketball / Wally Judge and the Death of K-State Basketball: An In-Depth Look

« on: February 21, 2016, 01:31:36 AM »

Wally Judge. Absolute rough ridin' physical freak. Five-Star McDonald's All-American committing to Kansas State. What? This has to perpetuate a continuing cycle of league-destroying freaks like Michael Beasley right?

I had masturbated my massive 9" throbbing male genitals to this video at least 100 times before that season started...



...while looking at those succulent golden stars in his rivals profile

https://n.rivals.com/content/prospects/maple/66239

Then he got rough ridin' Frank'd

"Oh, it was just his freshman year, sure he will be averaging 20-10 next year, lots of rough ridin' PHARAOH ass dunks"

Then he got Frank's tiny 8" male genitals up his bad person for a 2nd consecutive season.

"Please don't transfer...but your mixtape video!"

Then he transferred. And Frank took another mistress. And K-State Basketball went from being ranked #3 in the nation to bottom of my asscrack where the ants like to find little skin clauses in which to not only feast, but lay their eggs. Which is where the rough ridin' crap eff K-State Basketball remains to this very rough ridin' day.

I want to eff my own brainstem until it bleeds, wait until it is almost coagulated, and eff it again, this time even harder. Out of the opening in the back of my neck drains a fluid mixture of hard black gelatin and pure red fluid. I wretch in agonizing pain, watching the top of my eyes as they convulse and cause distressing electric convulsions upon my visual cortex. Black and white, black and white. Over and over and over and rough ridin' over again until those colors start blend within each other, creating a dark gray dystopian haze. Buzzing from the top of my head. It turns into a sharp grinding sensation, enough to where I begin to enter a state of "alive" rigor mortis: the cells in my body shutting down as they are unable to process the level of pain being experienced. A crevice forms behind collar-bones, and the skin begins to break fast. Gravity forces my nearly dead skin to curl downwards like a map, but slowly. It peels straight layers from my body in a perfect vertical pattern, inhumanely leaving the skin on my arms to feel the immense pain of torn flesh intermingling with a homogenous body, but quickly pruning and rotting, as if being scorched by molten lava. The acid death eventually eviscerating every rough ridin' organ in my body until only my bones are left. My soul watching as koala bears find my bones perched upon a bed of spiders and spikes, and using my bones to grind against rocks into chowder for the absolute god damn eff of it.

^Mostly because of K-State Basketball. Pretty sure

9

Kansas State Football / We're getting blown the eff out AGAIN

« on: November 21, 2015, 11:23:23 AM »

This time to Iowa State.

It's almost comical at this point.

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Kansas State Football / 10-2

« on: October 12, 2015, 03:57:32 AM »

  :lynchmob:I've been to the depths of the Helgives caves and have witnessed far lesser life forms thrive in hell on earth. I've seen the bowels of Jupiter open up and spew a wretched, noxious diatome fume upon believers and non-believers alike. And yet...I've seen human beings have strokes over having to put the god damn motherfucking dishes in the dishwasher. I've seen crap ass cocksuckers have literal aneurisms because their boss asked them to print last week's lunch receipt at 4:45 on a Friday.

There are two kinds of people in the world. Guess where you fall? Just rough ridin' guess. I double, no, triple-dog-motherfucking-dare you. I'll give you a hint, since you are apparently too stupid to formulate your own opinion: If you are reading this, you are a pussy ass, Lucy name havin', cockgobbling, weak, infertile, under-6'0", syrup-blooded, obese, genetically-inferior, white-sock-wearing, Alienware-buying, light beer drinking, Xbox owning, chastity belt wearing, male genitals-chomping son of a blue dumpfuck who hates LHC Bill Snyder and Manhattan. eff you, you shitswimming gundge of feces

6. vs. Oklahoma W: Okla-fuckingshit just got beat by a team who refused to drink anything but Yahoo "chocolate" drinks for 3 years straight. K-State: 71, OU: 1
7. @ Texas W: Kansas State University absolutely owns the eff out of Texas. Do you know how I know that? Because Manhattan-based Teria Co. owns Yahoo (the shitty ass chocolate drink), and by default owns its only customer: UT. Expect UT players to perish of thirst on the field due to literally zero hydration. Thanks Bill for...K-State: 72, UT: 0
8. vs. Baylor W: It's clear that rampant black bear poaching is having a detrimental effect on the emotions of Texas residents. They've become more illustrious but ridiculous with their laws: banning pumpkin pie, listerine strips, and shrimp soup from store shelves.  K-State: 45, Baylor: 22
9. @ Texas Tech W: Quick question: what type of institution is worse than a technical highschool? If you guessed, "Walmart", you should have your brain testicles cut off and thrown to the vast number of Ferintine eels residing in Beaver Creek. The actual answer was: "A Technical 'College' (QUOTE END QUOTE), J, my supreme overlord and king of mortals." K-State 12, Texas Tech: 3
10. vs. Iowa State W: As the great Pythagoras once said: "Superior farmers must sacrifice inferior farmers for the Great and Powerful Sunlord". K-State has lived by this motto since the inception of the university. Little-known, but highly-valuable sacrifices are made on the altar every single year, and this year's sacrifice will not disappoint the LORD and SAVIOUR of our lands. K-State: 43, Iowa crap: 34
11. @ Kansas W: Team does not compute. Commencing point dump. K-State: infinitysymbol.jpg, KU: null
12. vs. West Virginia W: Virgin my rough ridin' ass. Catherine Moroney, a struggling 17-year-old mother of two, gave her two-year-old daughter Mary Agnes to a stranger calling herself "Julia Otis" in exchange for $2 on May 15, 1932, on the understanding that the woman would take care of the girl in California for a short time and then return her to the Moroneys' Chicago home when things were better. She never did, and the ensuing investigation attracted national media attention. The girl was never located, and the case remains the oldest unsolved missing-persons case in the city. A California woman's belief that she was Mary Agnes has subsequently been disproven by DNA testing. K-State: 61, WVU: 7

Buck the eff up you god damned sluts. This dick isn't going to soften anytime soon.

11

Jerome Tang Coaches Kansas State Basketball / Remember when we were good?

« on: March 20, 2015, 11:35:15 PM »

Take a brief moment for some introspection. Reach your cold, trembling hand into your emotional recycle bin and pull out the purple scrap of paper with the words, "Apex of Frank Martin Basketball" on it. Read through it. It's going to be tough, but read every word. Any emotions coming back? I bet I can guess which one.

Happiness.

Remember how purely jubilant you were to watch K-State basketball a few years ago? Every game was like a gift from the Antarctic Santa Claus: a man who spent all year in complete isolation at a research house, formulating plans to make your twice-a-week Christmas the best one ever. Not thinking of anyone else like the satanic North Pole "Santa", but a Santa who was all yours. A Santa who dedicated his life to bringing light and love straight to your doorstep. His only stop of the night. You his only care in the world.

And you loved him...god did you love him. The pure, unadulterated joy that was injected into your soul from his gifts was superlative, the excitement conjugated unmatched in the physical realm in which we all reside.

Suddenly, Antarctic Santa stopped regularly coming to your house. Sure you'd wake up every few weeks and find a box containing a morsel of joy, but it wasn't the same. And slowly the quality of your gifts deteriorated, to the point where the final present you got was an old dial-up modem with hot-pocket grease all over it.

Antarctic Santa was never heard from again after that. You were never given that lustful infusion of happiness again. And while you wait, you know he's not going to have any sort resurgence for a long time. Regret eats at your soul and your sanguineness has started to melt from the immense heat of constant disappointment.

But yet you hope. God, are you full of hope. You know he's still alive, this Antarctic Santa. You just know it. You can reach into the back of your mind and delve into the depths of your beliefs and pull out handfuls of warm, gooey optimism.

Hold on to that. Antarctic Santa will come back, because his existence is based on belief. The moment you let go of your ideals and expectations, is the moment he ceases to exist.

So we all say together: "Come back Antarctic Santa, we need you more than you know".



 

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Jerome Tang Coaches Kansas State Basketball / This team...

« on: February 28, 2015, 05:07:42 PM »

I swear to god...

13

Kansas State Football / OFFICIAL THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IN AND AROUND THE BAYLOR GAME POWER RANKINGS

« on: December 06, 2014, 03:14:48 AM »

1. Quadruple-stuffed cinnamon-sage-vanilla oreos rain from the sky, giving LHCBS and our wonderful players a delicious, never-before-seen snack to munch on during the game
2. Said rainstorm of mutant oreos halt play before the game even begins, with the Big XII awarding us the win for completion of the following quests: mastery of weather patterns and mastery of baking. Such a situation would prevent injuries and expedite the inevitable.
3. The ever so dreamy and delectable Daniel Sams comes out for a 4th and Long in the 4th quarter with the game on the line, having been disguised as an underground walk-on with the Jersey number 59 for the entire year under the disguise of a transfer (the actual transfer student being a cast-off sent away as a proxy before the season), and runs for an 87 yard score with 30 seconds left on the clock, giving Petty just enough time to throw a pick six from the Cat's 20, sealing the win and thus presenting the committee with a point margin so impressive, the mighty Cats jump to number one in the playoffs.
4. The Kansas State University plays the game and wins whilst the southern Christian institution loses.
5. The Kansas State University wins
6. The team research department discovers the mystery of the black hole at the center of the milky way galaxy, activating endless praise from the scientific community and creating limitless grants for further research
7. It snows
8. Josh Groban announces before the game that he will sing the national anthem for every Cats game for the rest of his natural born life, giving up his fame to dedicate his heart and soul to the beautiful aura that is Wildcat football
9. The Wildcat football semi-truck we so generously rate decides to present itself in it's original form as a member of the alien-defeating, taint-kicking member of the famous Transformers (who have saved the world multiple times) and literally sprints to and from Waco, prompting joy and confidence from every Cat highway goer, as well as fear and hopelessness upon it's arrival to Waco residents
10. The grass field becomes an ocean right before the kick off, giving our staff an advantage, as we have long prepared for this situation, stocking ammunition, men, boats of all kinds (as well as submarines) and food. This decided advantage (which can only come from watching millions of hours of tape) becomes our greatest ally, and we win the "game" in what will become and stand as the quickest, most decisive naval victory in the history of battle. This tale being sung by the greatest bards and told in the most epic of poems from tomorrow until the literal end of time.
.
.
.
.
11. We lose

14

The New Joe Montgomery Birther Pit / I'm an Alpha male.

« on: November 09, 2014, 03:20:48 AM »

I'm an Alpha male.

And girls want to eff alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you rough ridin' touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm rough ridin' her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm rough ridin' her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic eff. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to eff 6 ways from Sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.

And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and disappear, and all that emo bullshit? You're triggering her "Don't eff" instinct something fierce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to eff her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.

And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would.

And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today.

15

Kansas State Football / hello. are you excited?

« on: October 17, 2014, 05:14:26 PM »

i am excited

16

Kansas State Football / How much will we end up winning this game by?

« on: September 06, 2014, 01:40:21 PM »

Since we clearly have the momentum here, I think it's safe to say the win is the bag. I say 14 or more.

17

Essentially Flyertalk / Nut Allergies

« on: August 24, 2014, 01:16:23 AM »

What a waste

18

Jerome Tang Coaches Kansas State Basketball / Who do we put on Jabari Parker in E8? HBBIQ (or GOATIQ) only pls!

« on: March 17, 2014, 02:10:56 PM »

hello blog who do we put on Jabari Parker for our elite 8 matchup with Duke in a couple weeks? He looks to have a nice midrange and can get to hoop but takes a lot of shots. Maybe someone long to disrupt his rhythm? Is Wes quick enough? Is Shane too attractive for his own good? Who will be the first cisgender curler to summit Mount Everest? Is protein-binding affected by low gravity?

19

Jerome Tang Coaches Kansas State Basketball / HOW ROCK HARD IS YOUR MAN/WOMANHOOD?

« on: February 10, 2014, 11:46:51 PM »

MY DICK IS THE SIZE OF 50 MOUNTAINS.

20

Essentially Flyertalk / J will wish you a happy birthday (NOW WITH PRESENTS!!)

« on: January 10, 2014, 05:35:04 PM »

I'm crazy generous

21

Jerome Tang Coaches Kansas State Basketball / How many points will we beat KU by on Sat?

« on: January 10, 2014, 05:08:37 PM »

As we are all well aware, oscar Weber and Marcus Foster are going to slam their boots up KU's asses.

Try to be serious with your margin of defeat point total voting here, folks.

22

Kansas State Football / Silver Linings J-Book: Positive Musings Thread

« on: November 23, 2013, 06:14:13 PM »

Feel free to add your own!

6 and 5 sounds a lot like jig and jive! 

23

Kansas State Football / J's Keys To Success: Winning the Baylor game

« on: October 11, 2013, 01:09:32 PM »

--Play Sams for absolutely every rough ridin' down. Don't let Waters into the game, not even for one second. Hell, don't even let him dress for the game. Sams is a universe-crushing hunk/stud hybrid sent from the planet of Orgasmatron in the Masterrace galaxy to destroy faces and make people lick his shiny golden taint. This is a fact.

--Set a portion of the away crowd (only the ones in that weird forrest green/unhealthy excrement color) on fire multiple times as to distract Baylor, allowing the cats to score multiple one play touchdowns. This should be done at least 10 times.

--You know how ancient romans had those naval battles? Well, in the second quarter, LHCBS should call a play where the field turns into water (preferably with a temperature hovering around 33 degrees fahrenheit). The CATCH here is that the wild wildcats will have a few giant naval ships and we won't give Baylor any. We will then proceed to shoot a bunch of those tiny worms that blow up like 20 times their size when you drop water on them, effectively blocking Baylor from gaining yards because they're trying to run through hundreds of giant paper worms. SCHEMED BETCH.

--Get a bunch of interceptions.

--Seastrunk? More like SeaSUNK!! Have one of our linebackers (preferably the shittiest one) instantly morph into a quicksand pit on one of his runs up the middle. As soon as the hole opens up, he will be sucked into the pit with the force of a thousand vacuums, stopping his momentum short of a first down on 4th and 40, giving the cats an easy touchdown on a rough ridin' DRAGON thrown by D. Dragon Sams on the very next play. The pit will preferably lead to the mythical Azkaban, where dementors will destroy his soul for cheating at Orecheat and then jumping ship to the Baylor Cheats.

--Have Baylor play an away game.

--Have all of our offensive lineman make fun of Baylor about the Baptist thing or something. The Baylor defense will then try to summon the power of legendary Baptist Al Gore, thinking that this mythical being will use the power global-warming activism and superior intellect to destroy the opposition. HOWEVER, what these summoners will not realize is that Al Gore hates nice things and steals meaningful items from children frequently. Al Gore will eat two of the Baylor Shits' D-lineman, opening up a hole for another 50-yard D. Scores When He Wants Sams touchdown.

--Cheer extra loud for the Wildcats 

PREDICTION - Kansas State GOATcats: 102, Baylor: 3

24

Kansas State Football / How many yards does OFFICIAL STARTING QB DANIEL SAMS rack up this weekend?

« on: September 16, 2013, 01:12:51 AM »

So now that the QB race is, on a scale of 1-1000, 1000 in clear-cuttedness, we can start making predictions about how many yards OFFICIAL K-STATE STARTING QB DANIEL SAMS will rack up against UT!

SUPPLEMENTAL PICTURES OF DANIEL SAMS RUNNING EDITION:

25

Kansas State Football / HFBIQ'rs ONLY: 2013 Defense Question (LFBIQ'rs please do not open, thx)

« on: August 04, 2013, 01:55:03 PM »

Is this accurate? Please respond.



Note: If you have low football IQ please close this thread and restart your computer