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General Discussion => Essentially Flyertalk => Topic started by: j rake on March 14, 2011, 03:45:47 PM

Title: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: j rake on March 14, 2011, 03:45:47 PM
If you get invited to a wedding you don't want to attend, should you still send a wedding gift?

(I have a very strong opinion on this topic but don't want to share it out of fear that sys will scream at me.)
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: WildcatNkilt on March 14, 2011, 03:49:14 PM
Yes you "should".  But you should not feel obligated to spend as much as if you were going to the wedding.  I usually do gift cards or checks with a nice wedding card.  

When I go to a wedding, I usually spend a lot more since they are spending a good chunk of money on me (and wife) for food, drinks, etc.

If it is someone you don't like and question why they sent you an invite in the first place, go ahead and don't send them a gift so you can cut them off completely.


Edit:  Best wedding etiquette is to RSVP.  Non RSVP'ers piss me off.  Sucks having to call everyone cause they can't take 30 seconds to RSVP online.    :chainsaw:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: ew2x4 on March 14, 2011, 03:50:21 PM
Totally depends on relationship. And if they went to your wedding.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: michigancat on March 14, 2011, 03:50:52 PM
If you don't want to attend, who cares what they think?


side note: wedding gifts are such a rough ridin' scam. I mean how else would their still be waffle irons otherwise.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: OK_Cat on March 14, 2011, 03:54:22 PM
probably depends on how close you are to them.  but if you're not close enough that you feel you have to attend, you're probably not close enough to worry about getting them something.  Send a card.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Rage Against the McKee on March 14, 2011, 03:56:00 PM
If I'm not going to the wedding, I send a card with a $20 check. I don't send anything if I don't like the person. If I go to the wedding, I usually spend about $50 on a gift.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: CNS on March 14, 2011, 03:59:13 PM
I hate weddings.  I would stay home from all of them if given a true choice.

That said, I still have to send a gift to some of them.

If neither my wife or I like them, no gift.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: AppleJack on March 14, 2011, 04:00:53 PM
http://goEMAW.com/forum/index.php?topic=641.0
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: michigancat on March 14, 2011, 04:04:50 PM
http://goEMAW.com/forum/index.php?topic=641.0

I hate wedding gifts with a passion.  It's just incredibly wasteful, even when compared to other wedding expenses.  Really, weddings are the biggest sham in history.  I recommend eloping.

heh
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: AppleJack on March 14, 2011, 04:06:44 PM
I think some people invite you knowing full well you arent coming and hope they will send you a gift. I want to fist fight people like this.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Pete on March 14, 2011, 05:14:28 PM
Ask Fatty!
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Kat Kid on March 14, 2011, 06:13:41 PM
 :raccoon:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: jtksu on March 14, 2011, 07:03:40 PM
Interesting that okcat has such insight into this matter.  I didn't realize that the photographer was expected to bring a gift.   Seems like they could just deduct the cost of the gift from the $50 they pay him.  :dunno:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Rage Against the McKee on March 14, 2011, 08:41:12 PM
Interesting that okcat has such insight into this matter.  I didn't realize that the photographer was expected to bring a gift.   Seems like they could just deduct the cost of the gift from the $50 they pay him.  :dunno:

More like $1500.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Trim on March 14, 2011, 09:46:58 PM
:lol:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: jtksu on March 15, 2011, 01:04:55 AM
You paid okcat $1500 to take pics of your wedding?  What a dumbass.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: steve dave on March 15, 2011, 07:56:39 AM
 :bracketmouse:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: slucat on March 15, 2011, 09:09:02 AM
As I've gotten older (read early 30's and married myself) my outlook on this has changed.  As a recent graduate, I didn't always send a gift, or a card, after I got married, I send a gift ($$) in a card.  The only wedding I recently didn't do anything for was my cousin who got married last summer, he didn't even RSVP to my wedding and it was his second marriage, so nothing for them.  :surprised:

In short, if the bride or groom gave you something or you would expect them to give you something, then you should reciprocate.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: wetwillie on March 15, 2011, 10:45:00 AM
As I've gotten older (read early 30's and married myself) my outlook on this has changed.  As a recent graduate, I didn't always send a gift, or a card, after I got married, I send a gift ($$) in a card.  The only wedding I recently didn't do anything for was my cousin who got married last summer, he didn't even RSVP to my wedding and it was his second marriage, so nothing for them.  :surprised:

In short, if the bride or groom gave you something or you would expect them to give you something, then you should reciprocate.

You married yourself? Like performed the ceromony or for tax fraud?
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: john "teach me how to" dougie on March 15, 2011, 12:18:39 PM
Seems weird to give cheesy gifts to someone that just wasted tens of thousands on a big wedding. Yea, weddings can be fun, but what a waste of money.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Rage Against the McKee on March 15, 2011, 04:06:30 PM
You paid okcat $1500 to take pics of your wedding?  What a dumbass.

My wife's parents are free to pay whatever they want to whomever they want. It's their money. If you want a professional photographer to take pictures of you for announcements, invitations, save-the-dates, and the actual wedding itself, the cheapest you will find is about $1000. It will be about $1500 for somebody good. These prices do not include photos. Those are an additional $50-200 per depending on the size. Wedding photographers make bank.

If I were in charge, I would have just paid some dude I knew $50 to take pictures on my cheap camera. It's probably a good thing I wasn't in charge.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: WildcatNkilt on March 15, 2011, 04:10:36 PM
You paid okcat $1500 to take pics of your wedding?  What a dumbass.

My wife's parents are free to pay whatever they want to whomever they want. It's their money. If you want a professional photographer to take pictures of you for announcements, invitations, save-the-dates, and the actual wedding itself, the cheapest you will find is about $1000. It will be about $1500 for somebody good. These prices do not include photos. Those are an additional $50-200 per depending on the size. Wedding photographers make bank.

If I were in charge, I would have just paid some dude I knew $50 to take pictures on my cheap camera. It's probably a good thing I wasn't in charge.

Yea photos are expensive.  A lot of photographers won't give you rights to the photos after the wedding, making all photo purchases go through them.  Luckily for my wedding we found a great photographer who gave us the photo rights so we could get them printed wherever the hell we wanted.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Rage Against the McKee on March 15, 2011, 04:18:28 PM
Seems weird to give cheesy gifts to someone that just wasted tens of thousands on a big wedding. Yea, weddings can be fun, but what a waste of money.

Yeah, it doesn't seem weird at all to show up to a wedding, eat a $10-15 plate of food, drink for free all night, and not give any money or gift to the people who provided that to you.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: KSUTOMMY on March 15, 2011, 04:32:34 PM
Buy 'em something you cheap bastard! If you can re-gift, then do it. I re-gifted a George Foreman mini and they thought it was the most thoughtful thing in the world as it wasn't on the register.

Re: wedding cost - our's was $12k and that included the food (catered by Coco Bolos  :lick: ), booze (a TON) and photos. All my wife's freinds squeeled and called it a great deal I was like  :dunno: .

My sister dropped $60k on her's. She has bank and it was her coin. Her dress alone was $15k. I thought it was a MONSTROUS waste of $, but it was hers so again I provided her with a  :dunno:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: OK_Cat on March 15, 2011, 04:34:51 PM
yeah, i've shot 1 wedding in my life and i got $1800 for it.  weddings are a pretty good business for people that do those things.  $200+ for a cake?  cake lady is raking it in.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: jtksu on March 15, 2011, 04:37:11 PM
Dude, you've said (a bunch of times) on this board that you've never shot a wedding.  Why do you feel the need to lie to us?
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: OK_Cat on March 15, 2011, 04:39:29 PM
Dude, you've said (a bunch of times) on this board that you've never shot a wedding.  Why do you feel the need to lie to us?

pretty much every other post of mine on this board is a lie.  I might not even live in Oklahoma.   :ck:  stop being so butthurt about it
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: CNS on March 15, 2011, 04:43:11 PM
yeah, i've shot 1 wedding in my life and i got $1800 for it.  weddings are a pretty good business for people that do those things.  $200+ for a cake?  cake lady is raking it in.

I know two chicks who do this on the side and are well thought of in that field.

Both have told me that they use Pilsbury mix  :surprised:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: wetwillie on March 15, 2011, 04:44:27 PM
yeah, i've shot 1 wedding in my life and i got $1800 for it.  weddings are a pretty good business for people that do those things.  $200+ for a cake?  cake lady is raking it in.

I know two chicks who do this on the side and are well thought of in that field.

Both have told me that they use Pilsbury mix  :surprised:

sounds like how BITB lew perkins would run a cake making business
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: AppleJack on March 15, 2011, 05:08:09 PM
(I have a very strong opinion on this topic but don't want to share it out of fear that sys will scream at me.)

Still waiting to hear your thoughts on this buttface.....
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: j rake on March 15, 2011, 06:19:06 PM
(I have a very strong opinion on this topic but don't want to share it out of fear that sys will scream at me.)

Still waiting to hear your thoughts on this buttface.....

Who you calling buttface, assfart!
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: michigancat on March 15, 2011, 06:56:51 PM
Seems weird to give cheesy gifts to someone that just wasted tens of thousands on a big wedding. Yea, weddings can be fun, but what a waste of money.

Yeah, it doesn't seem weird at all to show up to a wedding, eat a $10-15 plate of food, drink for free all night, and not give any money or gift to the people who provided that to you.

The entire process really is a strange ritual when you think about it. I mean, I don't expect a friend coming over for dinner to leave me a mixer in exchange for $20 worth of food and some drinks. Especially if they traveled a few hundred miles for the privilege.

Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: john "teach me how to" dougie on March 15, 2011, 07:30:55 PM
Seems weird to give cheesy gifts to someone that just wasted tens of thousands on a big wedding. Yea, weddings can be fun, but what a waste of money.

Yeah, it doesn't seem weird at all to show up to a wedding, eat a $10-15 plate of food, drink for free all night, and not give any money or gift to the people who provided that to you.

I didn't say I don't get a gift; I do.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Dr Rick Daris on March 15, 2011, 08:10:00 PM
dear god. this is all really dumb. weddings are a nice way to give young people who don't have any money a bunch of nice stuff. the cost is also typically defrayed by the brides parents or both or whatever. it's basically parents buying their kids stuff by throwing a big party and charging the people who come by making them buy gifts. seems like a win/win. bride/groom get stuff. people that come buy a gift in exchange for food/drinks/hanging out w/ people they like. if anybody should be pissed about this deal, it's the parents but there are like two or four of them or whatever so who gaf? not me.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: michigancat on March 15, 2011, 08:20:22 PM
here's an idea: how bout these lazy "young people" go make more money so they can buy nice stuff.

Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Dr Rick Daris on March 15, 2011, 08:34:08 PM
here's an idea: how bout these lazy "young people" go make more money so they can buy nice stuff.

Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.

that is actually nice stuff for a good percentage of people just getting married. or just most people in general. also, who gives a f about lazy young people and how much money they make? i sure as f do not. do not at all. maybe change your name to icareabouthowmuchmoneypeoplemakecat. judging judger.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: hemmy on March 15, 2011, 08:57:47 PM
Last wedding I went to I bought 2 gifts from the registry, a meat cutting board and a wii controller
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: WildcatNkilt on March 15, 2011, 09:04:18 PM
here's an idea: how bout these lazy "young people" go make more money so they can buy nice stuff.

Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.

This is why my wife and I only registered for unnecessary crap at Crate and Barrel and Macy's.  

Register small get it all.  Register for a bunch of crap and people will buy you crap before the stuff you need/want.  This is the only way we managed to get a Dyson Vacuum (it was all that was left on the registry).

EDIT: I probably sounds like a greedy prick, but people over register and then have to finish buying their registry that includes the crap they actually wanted/needed afterwords.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Cartierfor3 on March 15, 2011, 09:35:00 PM
here's an idea: how bout these lazy "young people" go make more money so they can buy nice stuff.

Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.

This is why my wife and I only registered for unnecessary crap at Crate and Barrel and Macy's.  Register small get it all.  Register for a bunch of crap and people will buy you crap before the stuff you need/want.  This is the only way we managed to get a Dyson Vacuum (it was all that was left on the registry).

EDIT: I probably sounds like a greedy prick, but people over register and then have to finish buying their registry that includes the cac they actually wanted/needed afterwords.

same sort of stuff that target carries just more expensive.  i bet you like designer jeans too
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: WildcatNkilt on March 15, 2011, 09:44:19 PM
here's an idea: how bout these lazy "young people" go make more money so they can buy nice stuff.

Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.

This is why my wife and I only registered for unnecessary crap at Crate and Barrel and Macy's.   Register small get it all.  Register for a bunch of crap and people will buy you crap before the stuff you need/want.  This is the only way we managed to get a Dyson Vacuum (it was all that was left on the registry).

EDIT: I probably sounds like a greedy prick, but people over register and then have to finish buying their registry that includes the cac they actually wanted/needed afterwords.

same sort of stuff that target carries just more expensive. i bet you like designer jeans too

Target doesn't carry the same quality of appliances.  Also, stupid to register at more than 2 places IMO.  FWIW, I look great in the jeans I buy.   :fatty:

Edit:  Not saying Target sucks, I actually love the dot.  Made the mistake of not registering for outdoors stuff.  Would have been a great advantage of a Target registry.  Just goes back to over registering will create too many voids you will feel obligated to finish (dish set, few more glasses, etc). 
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Kat Kid on March 15, 2011, 09:46:43 PM
here's an idea: how bout these lazy "young people" go make more money so they can buy nice stuff.

Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.

that is actually nice stuff for a good percentage of people just getting married. or just most people in general. also, who gives a f about lazy young people and how much money they make? i sure as f do not. do not at all. maybe change your name to icareabouthowmuchmoneypeoplemakecat. judging judger.

He's turning mean and grumpy because the winter is too long.  It isn't his fault.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: michigancat on March 15, 2011, 09:49:15 PM
here's an idea: how bout these lazy "young people" go make more money so they can buy nice stuff.

Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.

that is actually nice stuff for a good percentage of people just getting married. or just most people in general. also, who gives a f about lazy young people and how much money they make? i sure as f do not. do not at all. maybe change your name to icareabouthowmuchmoneypeoplemakecat. judging judger.

He's turning mean and grumpy because the winter is too long.  It isn't his fault.

Thanks. Just saw our weatherman get giddy because some rain and possibly snow is on the way. Gee whiz.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: jtksu on March 15, 2011, 10:36:30 PM
I personally love to buy expensive crap for weddings,  just to show people that I make more money than them.  However, if someone actually registered for a Goddamned Dyson, I would instantly feel like kicking them in the dick/cooter and likely buy them a freaking spice rack.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Trim on March 16, 2011, 06:01:03 AM
Also, no one at weddings gets nice stuff. It's all Target/Bed Bath and Beyond worthless unnecessary crap. Well, at most weddings.

:runaway:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Rage Against the McKee on March 16, 2011, 08:26:38 AM
I personally love to buy expensive crap for weddings,  just to show people that I make more money than them.  However, if someone actually registered for a Goddamned Dyson, I would instantly feel like kicking them in the dick/cooter and likely buy them a freaking spice rack.

I registered for a Dyson and got it! :woot:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: steve dave on March 16, 2011, 08:42:55 AM
hint to you wedding registry n00bs:  If you get stuff from BBB you can return it for cash at the rack rate and then buy it later using a 20% off BBB coupon  :fatty:
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: Branson Bound on March 16, 2011, 08:49:41 AM
Seems weird to give cheesy gifts to someone that just wasted tens of thousands on a big wedding. Yea, weddings can be fun, but what a waste of money.

Yeah, when I got hitched, we just had a cake and punch reception. We spent all of our money on a fantastic honeymoon in Branson. At the hotel, we played Confederate Soldier doodles Miss Yankee.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: slucat on March 16, 2011, 08:53:42 AM
registering for the expensive crap is a good idea, most places that do a registry will give you X% off to complete the registry after your wedding/shower/whatever, plus a lot of people give gift cards to the places you register, so win-win.

i agree with only register for crap you want, and don't go overboard. We (no, I didn't marry myself as suggested) didn't register for much cause we didn't need it-being elite working professionals, we had most stuff we wanted :gocho:-we registered for china, nice(ish) silverware, everyday dishes and nice cookware and that was about it.
Title: Re: american bridal
Post by: steve dave on October 27, 2011, 04:49:36 PM
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Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: OK_Cat on October 27, 2011, 04:50:05 PM
American Bridal - 1
Saul - 0
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: pike on October 27, 2011, 04:50:28 PM
This place is as impregnable as a crack whore in a trailer park.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: wetwillie on October 27, 2011, 05:56:42 PM
I like a good spamming or two. Keeps us all a little more honest.
Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: hemmy on October 27, 2011, 06:18:29 PM
I would recommend using recaptcha
Title: Re: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: steve dave on October 27, 2011, 06:23:44 PM
Thanks hemmy :lol:

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Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: felix rex on October 27, 2011, 07:59:56 PM
Get them a target gift card for $20. Say its for $50. They will blame it on stupid target employees and give you sufficient small talk to survive the next inevitably awkward encounter.

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Title: Re: Wedding gift etiquette
Post by: hemmy on October 27, 2011, 08:17:39 PM
Thanks hemmy :lol:

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You don't want to help digitize old print?