Buckle the eff up
KirakiraYugoRU6:58p
In reply to BMX Bandit
Quote:
It's not worth getting into in detail here
BMX Bandit said:
Wrong
What happened?
It's just a really long story but I'll try to give the cliffnotes. This is gonna be a WALL of text. I can't condense it anymore, sorry.
And I don't wanna say the fanbase here because it'll be painfully obvious who in the fanbase it is if I say its name because it's A, a very small and obscure one, and B, I'm the only person who's been made into the black sheep this way so everyone can look up the fanbase and go "AHA! There's Kirakira!!"
Furthermore idk if TexAgs is indexed on Google but I'm worried that if it is my harassers will find this and go "LOOK SEE SHE'S STILL A BIGOT!!!!!!!!!" and screenshot it as evidence.
So going forward I'll call it [redacted] like I do on my controversial opinions blog (again, to prevent my harassers from finding that blog.)
Here's the cast of characters. These aren't their real names unless there's a weird coincidence going on.
Pepe, the 4chan punk guy who I had a sort of parasocial mentor relationship with.
[The Plastics, whom I named after the characters in Mean Girls because that's what they remind me of. Except they're all hyper-woke. Also elephant in the room- all the Plastics are nonbinary but the characters I'm representing them with are girls so I'll just refer to them as such.]
Regina, the leader of the [redacted] fandom.
Gretchen, the second in command of the [redacted] fandom
Karen, another prominent member of [redacted] who encouraged a lot of the drama and basically backseat modded my Discord server and acted as language police, then gaslit me into thinking I was harassing them. I still don't know who was in the wrong because of how Karen destroyed my sanity and perception of events.
Cady, the latest recruit to the inner circle and perhaps the most vicious one of all.
Jenny, Cady's best friend. Didn't play much of a role besides saying that she wants me dead on Twitter. I think Cady radicalized her because before November she'd been saying stuff like "I just want everything here to stop, please... can you please stop fighting with Regina, Kirakira??"
- It's 2020. Covid just turned my life and the whole world upside down. Had a job and everything and thought I was getting on track, nope not anymore.
- See this really cute punk guy online ~April or May. He's a very edgy 4chan user type. He might use this site, but I never asked because at the time I thought only Brazos Valley residents used this forum and it would be like doxxing myself.
- I basically then start white-knighting for him. Any time someone disagreed with him I would go after them and make really bizarre threats (like "I'll put poisonous scorpions on you if you don't leave Pepe alone" and a lot of chemicals based ones that I don't remember) and he and his friends took me in. They started encouraging me towards being really edgy and right-wing. I was already centrist but that finally won me over.
- To impress Pepe and his friends I reblog political stuff and anti-Democrat memes from them. Pepe and his friends eat it up and I love the attention and feeling like I'm hardcore and bad*ss. Being someone who never had a lot of friends I felt like I belonged.
- Couple of months later in the fall, I discover the [redacted] IP. It's love at first sight. Get super invested in the characters and its lore.
- Start spam-liking and reblogging everything about it.
- Regina and her friends see me reblogging both [redacted] fanart and for the next year start issuing callout posts and things saying "[REDACTED] IS NOT FOR CONSERVATARDS" and things like that. I get mad and start making disparaging Wojak memes with their characters crying because someone likes [redacted] but disagrees with them. (Hey, I thought woke people weren't supposed to say "tard"?)
- Skip to this spring. I finally made a couple of really great friends with people who just discovered [redacted], and they made me realize I was being overly angry and spiteful. I changed my mind on a lot of things.
- I stop talking to Pepe because I realized that he's actually not bad*ss. He's really insecure and just takes the bait every time someone trolls him and what I was doing was just yanking the hook out of his mouth and biting it too when I was "standing up for him". And his friends were just encouraging me to troll people and stir the pot. Not good.
- Cue me making a Twitter so I can try to talk to Regina and her friends directly and apologize for what I did and said.
- That makes them even madder and they start this whole new campaign of callouts and stuff
- My friends start defending me and that draws fire, especially because one of them made an anonymous account just to send Regina hate and troll her on things like being trans and her music. Even though I had a big fight with this friend on Twitter over it and we all kind of tried to make it obvious that that was wrong and we didn't support bullying, everyone still blamed me for it. Regina and Gretchen go on this whole crusade of blocking everyone who interacted with my posts and demanding people block me lest they get publicly shamed and called a transphobic Nazi. I stuck out my neck and stood up for Regina I don't even know how many times.
- Enter Karen. Karen is a very talented [redacted] artist and her music is PHENOMENAL. When she joined the Discord server I made (to serve as an alternative to the Twitter and Tumblr tags, where most [redacted] fans congregate, and where people could discuss it without fear of retribution) everyone was ecstatic and starstruck. I join Karen's server too to meet more [redacted] fans. Stay there even though Regina and Gretchen are there, despite my better judgement.
- In a voice call, Regina and Gretchen are laughing and playing with me and stuff and I thought this was it. They finally realized I'm not what they think I am. But the next day my friends show me tweets they made saying that I don't get to play nice and kiss their butts after everything they did. They were only pretending.
- Karen starts to language police my server and generally make it stressful. When I tell Karen about Regina's tweets she says that Regina and Gretchen literally never talk about me and that I'm blowing everything out of proportion and letting them live rent-free in my head. I keep showing her their tweets, courtesy of my friends, and she says "Just let them vent, you vent to me all the time". Later find out that Karen is showing Regina and Gretchen my chats because of something they said that they wouldn't have known unless they read my messages with Karen.
- I ban Karen from my server and leave hers. I stop trying to get them to change their minds because I know they won't, and instead focus my efforts on trying to get them to stop talking about me and my friends.
- Every time I mention them or screenshot their tweets and reply to them publicly they say I'm block evading and harassing. Nevermind that it's a public website and they're perfectly fine with screenshotting my stuff and posting it online.
- I made friends with Cady at some point this summer. She's also struggling with mental illness and a lot of people in my server like her.
- One day out of the blue Cady leaves and cuts us all off. The next day she unblocks my Twitter to post this long callout telling me how horrible I was and that I manipulated her and thank God Regina came along to show her how wrong she was.
- Chaos erupts in my friend chat. I almost take my own life that day, and one of my other friends also has a complete breakdown but doesn't try to harm himself or anything. My friends talk me out of doing anything drastic though. I just started seeing a therapist and hopefully I can get over this.
- Every so often Cady posts more stuff about how much she hates me and got her friend Jenny to do so. They've both said that my friends and I don't deserve any peace, that everyone in [redacted] needs to know how evil I am, told me to **** off 7 ways to Sunday, and even said they want me and my friends dead and that we're pathetic excuses for human beings. Thanks to the Plastics I basically lost all self-confidence I had.
And that's where we're at now. I feel like a monster who's incapable of doing anything but hurting people.
I can't stop liking [redacted] and leave the fanbase because the characters and the friends I've made from it are a source of infinite comfort to me. If it wasn't for my friends and being able to talk about the characters with people I don't know what would have happened.
I know this is really silly and I should stop being dumb and just stop liking [redacted] but I don't know how. Maybe it's autism or something else but I have to keep liking it, making art and trying to be the positivity this fanbase really needs.
Anyway so do y'all think this would be good on a podcast? This is a poorly condensed version with a lot of details missing but this is basically the whole story.
