Dear EMAW, this is your only warning. Back the eff off. I do not want to go to West Virginia for a couple weeks to investigate this. Repeat, back the eff off. If I have to personally visit that hole to sort this thing out, I will not be friendly in my final report.
This is not meant as a threat. I don't roll that way. I simply want you to know that I have been preliminarily contacted by the NCAA to look into the literally thousands of crayon-written letters that they have received from West Virginia residents. I can only decipher approximately 20% of them, but it appears something nefarious is happening here and that it could be punctuated with violence this weekend in that hellhole.