Farm Subsidies

[steve dave]

Oh, actually one of the farm dogs mauled me when I was two or three years old (I still have a noticeable scar on my face).  Grandpa busted a cap in his ass.

LOL, I bet Grandpa held the gun sidewise...gangsta style.

[sys]

Did your farms have "farm dogs"?  They have like 4.  They "keep the coyotes away".  All I see them do is kill cats. 

farmers hate to admit they keep animals around just cause they like them. 

[ksu_FAN]

My best farm accident story: (I worked for a farmer for 3 summers) I was hauling bails out of ditches with a small tractor and took the wrong angle out of the ditch.  Ended up breaking off one of the front wheels.  It was in my first month on the job as a HS JR, scared the crap out of me.  Also bent the heck out of a disc driving down a narrow road with rock faces on each side.  Other than that, I was pretty safe. 

[steve dave]

Did your farms have "farm dogs"?  They have like 4.  They "keep the coyotes away".  All I see them do is kill cats. 

farmers hate to admit they keep animals around just cause they like them. 

Exactly

[ChiefCatchacold]

  getting up at 3am to drive in circles   

 

[jeffy]

I tipped my uncles old Ford pickup on its side when I was in HS.  Since it was a good old truck, all we had to do was grab the door handle and pull the door dent back out then bend the mirror back out.  Of course, it did have many many coffee cans of nuts and bolts in the back.  I'm sure we didn't manage to pick a good majority of those up.  The biggest expense was about 20 gallons of diesel fuel dripping out of tank in the back into the ditch.

[steve dave]

getting up at 3am to drive in circles   

 

That was actually the best.  Rural AM radio in the middle of the night is mind blowing.  

[Kat Kid]

My two worst farming problems:

1.  I was driving a really old tractor with a flatbed trailer hooked up to it that three co-workers were dumping feed off of and I lined up to go in (you tried to get like within 3 inches because the barrels all weighed 100lbs+ and I completely took on the corner of a concrete/rebar enforced feed trough at like 10 mph.  Knocked over feed, knocked over coworkers, scared the sh1t out of cattle (only funny part) and got me tossin barrels instead of sittin' pretty in the driver's seat.  No biggie really because I couldn't back up/park it.

2.  At the dairy farm all of the cows are kept on concrete so there is just a massive amount of liquid crap that has to be dealt with and I worked the skid steer (open no windshield or anything) loading the sh1t spreader one day and didn't realize how you couldn't fill the bucket more than half full (unless you were good/not jerky) so I got "slimed" like a bad episode of Double Dare.

[AzCat]

And it really is an aristocratic profession, in a way.  You pretty much have to be born into farming to do it.  It's damn near impossible for some random person from the suburbs to just say, "I want to start farming" and go do it full time.

QFT for the most part but it does depend on what, precisely, you want to do.  Most people could locate a few acres of pasture for sale and run a small number of cattle; they won't be efficient but as a hobby it can be done.  Same with crops: there are antique tractors and 2-row combines out there that can be had for fairly reasonable prices and you can always find 40 acres for sale somewhere but it will take a mechanical savant to keep that sort of equipment operating.  And unless you've taken a vow of poverty you're not going to make a living or build a business starting out in these manners.

To really get rolling in crop production you'll need ~$1M to purchase your equipment and another $2-3M minimum to purchase enough land to have the cash flow necessary to replace the equipment when it wears out.  In a really good year your ROI will be in the 5% range (assuming you paid cash and didn't finance anything), in an average year it will be less than half that.  The family farm is basically a hobby and/or a way to speculate on the future value of farmland, nothing more.

[RonLongshaft]

The worst was when I was like 11 and completely smashed a grain cart auger on one of those huge telephone polls that cut across fields and don't follow the roads.  I was crying and sh*t, but everyone was cool, because I was 11.  That was by far the worst.  Lots of other little stuff, but nothing really memorable.

I was once hauling ass (like, 19 mph) down some dirt road in a new swather and came upon some crapty old bridge with concrete side rails and just assumed I could fit.  I about went through the windshield and old man Dave was not impressed. 

in my younger days i used to swerve to the side of the roads to hit signs with the disk and chisel... never did anything to the equipment but always fun to watch the signs fly around... had to stop when our neighbor (worked for DOT) got an idea of what was going on.

accidents for children on the farm are just a matter of time. i've driven a truck into a tree, feed bunks, damn near ripped the hitch off a disk, bent 2 hydro swing swather hitches, etc... the ol man can only get so mad cause he realizes some 50yrs ago he did the same thing.

[Skycat]

When my grandpa was too old to harvest, but before anyone was willing to tell him that, his combine got hit by a train.  Talk about f'ing stuff up.  He got knocked out of the cab.  On the plus side, he survived and got a helicopter ride out of it.  On the downside, he was pretty much forced into retirement after that, which sucked.  Because he loved that stuff.

Also, a farm dog owned by my other grandpa bit me right by the mouth when I was about three.  You can see the scar, pretty easily if you know what you're looking for, but it's easy to miss.  I'm pretty sure that dog got put in a burlap sack and drowned.  Along with chasing cattle, biting the grandkids is a trait that is not looked upon favorably in farm dogs.

[RonLongshaft]

farm dogs can be a pain in the old arse. we had a German shepherd mutt that was a teddy bear but one day snapped and bit my cousin on top of the head, he got a trip to the KState vet school to get test for rabies and put down.  chasing cattle can cost farmers in many different ways. we usually try the bb gun route first then if that doesn't work step it up the "big guns"

[Kat Kid]

When my grandpa was too old to harvest, but before anyone was willing to tell him that, his combine got hit by a train.  Talk about f'ing stuff up.  He got knocked out of the cab.  On the plus side, he survived and got a helicopter ride out of it.  On the downside, he was pretty much forced into retirement after that, which sucked.  Because he loved that stuff.

Also, a farm dog pwn3d by my other grandpa bit me right by the mouth when I was about three.  You can see the scar, pretty easily if you know what you're looking for, but it's easy to miss.  I'm pretty sure that dog got put in a burlap sack and drpwn3d. Along with chasing cattle, biting the grandkids is a trait that is not looked upon favorably in farm dogs.

By far the best filter-&@#% ever.

[sys]

lol @ all of your pussy grandfathers.  when my grandfather's dog owned my younger brother's face, he was like, "meh, prolly the kid's fault."  after that, my grandmother made him tie it up when especially small, especially retarded kids were around, but mostly it was like "hey dumbasses, leave the dog alone, he doesn't like you."   

[Skycat]

when my grandfather's dog pwn3d my younger brother's face, he was like, "meh, prolly the kid's fault."  after that, my grandmother made him tie it up when especially small, especially retarded kids were around, but mostly it was like "hey dumbasses, leave the dog alone, he doesn't like you."   

He just couldn't bring himself to kill the dog.

Farmer version of FP, TC, etc.  imo

[cireksu]

When my grandpa was too old to harvest, but before anyone was willing to tell him that, his combine got hit by a train.  Talk about f'ing stuff up.  He got knocked out of the cab.  On the plus side, he survived and got a helicopter ride out of it.  On the downside, he was pretty much forced into retirement after that, which sucked.  Because he loved that stuff.

Also, a farm dog pwn3d by my other grandpa bit me right by the mouth when I was about three.  You can see the scar, pretty easily if you know what you're looking for, but it's easy to miss.  I'm pretty sure that dog got put in a burlap sack and drpwn3d. Along with chasing cattle, biting the grandkids is a trait that is not looked upon favorably in farm dogs.

By far the best filter-frack ever.

qft,

my mom has a cousin that got his hands mangled by a hay baylor back in the day.

[sys]

my mom has a cousin that got his hands mangled by a hay baylor back in the day.

did anyone shoot the bailer?  sideways, gangster style?

[cireksu]

my mom has a cousin that got his hands mangled by a hay baylor back in the day.

did anyone shoot the bailer?  sideways, gangster style?

it ended up in a creek.

[cireksu]

This thread has reminded me that no matter what, man has conquered nature by man's ability to bust a cap in any animal that bites man's offspring for being retarded.

[AzCat]

This thread has reminded me that no matter what, man has conquered nature by man's ability to bust a cap in any animal that bites man's offspring for being retarded.

Unless of course said animal is on the endangered species act at which point busting a cap in its ass is likely to end with one's family sporting cement shoes at the bottom of a lagoon somewhere.