Dear Boston,
Prepare yourselves for a wicked harsh beatdown. Not even a bowl of creamy, delicious clam chowder will make you retards feel better after tonight. In fact you should not even bother following tonight's game and instead just pop in your commemorative DVD of the 2009 Frozen Four while a new Boston Massacre takes place. Hope this helps!
PS. I think your accent thing is just a big fake, it is not cool or charming at all.