KSUFans Archives
Fan Life => The Endzone Dive => Topic started by: ECN on July 13, 2007, 03:23:48 PM
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very weird situations. here are some thoughts.
Rule the First: No Business in the Bathroom
That's right, you heard it here. Do not, under any circumstances, be you man or woman, conduct any business in the bathroom. At best, participants will be distracted. More likely, they will be so busy trying to ignore you and focus on the task at hand that it's an awkward waste of time. At worst, you are going to offend some client and blow that multi-million dollar deal. So leave the business to the boardroom and/or golf course.
Rule the Second: Wash Your Hands
You know what's worse than seeing some stranger in a public bathroom leave without washing their hands? Seeing somebody you work with do the same. Because now you get to spend the whole day wondering what they are touching with their filthy, disgusting, germ-ridden hands, and hoping it's not on your desk. I really don't know why we have to keep talking about this rule, but given the number of socially inept non-washers I see in my field research on a day-to-day basis people still aren't getting the message.
Rule the Third: Don't Lie in Wait
Okay, so you need to do a #2. In some cases, you might stand around a full bathroom waiting for a stall to open up, but at work you shouldn't. Nobody likes to feel pressured, so give your coworkers some space, go back to your desk, and try again later (or try another bathroom). Even if the person currently doing their business isn't aware of your presence, they are still going to feel awkward when they come out of the stall and realize you've been timing just how long they've been in there. So save them the embarrassment.
Rule the Fourth: Everyone is Equal in the Eyes of the Bathroom
So you're the boss. Maybe you're even the boss' boss. Doesn't matter a whit in the bathroom, you've still got to follow the rules. Don't start up any business, don't expect to cut to the head of any lines, and for goodness sakes yes you do have to wash your hands or flush. Being numero uno doesn't give you any special privileges whatsoever.
Rule the Fifth: Keep Down the Stink
Your bathroom at home probably has a fan, and I bet you put it to good use. Your bathroom at work probably doesn't though, which means that everybody else in there with you and after you can smell what's going on. If you think it might be an especially stinky trip, consider a courtesy flush. People will thank you.
Special Tip: Dealing with those who Outrank you
Maybe your boss was clever, came here, read these rules and is acting like he should in the bathroom. Then again, maybe he's not. Maybe he keeps trying to strike up a conversation with you at the urinal, while all your instincts tell you to stare straight ahead and ignore them. We feel the need to warn you that following proper bathroom etiquette rules in the context of such an ignorant boss may jeopardize your job, or at least your standing. Yeah, it sucks but the boss might not care if you are ignoring him because you are in the middle of taking a pee, all he knows is you are ignoring him. So try to strike a healthy balance, don't tell him to "piss off!" (clever pun!), but don't linger and chat either.
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we have horrible bathroom people. i posted this above the urinals, and will probably get a lashing.
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I just poop in the plants located around the office. It completely eliminates any bathroom awkwardness.
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you forgot the dudes that piss on the floor in front of the urinal.
qft on the courtesy flush, very underused imo.
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you forgot the dudes that piss on the floor in front of the urinal.
qft on the courtesy flush, very underused imo.
HTF does that even happen? I'd say at least 50% of the time I walk up to a urinal in a public bathroom there is piss (lol, like your name) all over the floor. What causes this? Bad aim? Faulty penis? I NEED TO KNOW.
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you forgot the dudes that piss on the floor in front of the urinal.
qft on the courtesy flush, very underused imo.
ive seen piss on the chrome parts. at the top!
dont forget the snot rocket wall.
anyone else have that?
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One can never forget the genius that decides to smell his own name in crap on the wall. I hate public restrooms so much.
(http://deseretnews.com/photos/1647312.jpg)
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My work has really cheap toilets, and I flooded one once. <-That's embarrassing/sucks
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my work has a ratio of like 30:1 guys/girls. That makes the bathroom a not so good place. It is almost always the case that when you have to walk in to the bathroom, someone is droppin' off the cosby kids.
IMO people who don't courtesy flush are the worst of the worst. I absolutely don't want to smell your bunk as I take a leak.
sick.
:violin:
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(http://fusionanomaly.net/trainspottingtoilet.jpg)
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I'm the guy that pees on the floor.
My bad. I just like to see the look of disgust on other peoples faces when they step in a giant puddle of piss unknowingly.
Besides, if I don't touch anything, I don't have to wash my hands afterwards. :lick:
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Why should I wash my hands if I don't pee on them?
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Why should I wash my hands if I don't pee on them?
are you saying it is ok if I put my hands in my pants for a few seconds, then wipe them on your face? :lol:
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I wash my hands before I touch my dick.
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all we care about is what goes on after; willie...no pun intended.
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1) Don't ever take the urinal next to another occupied urinal if there are others available down the row
2) Don't ever take the urinal between two other occupied urinals if there are toilet stalls available
3) The only place where you have to take a urinal between two occupied urinals is at a bar, and if you don't work at a bar, go back to your desk and wait for it to clear out
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http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html
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Don't take work papers into the stall with you when you're "filing some paperwork" --read it back at your desk.
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Heres my advice, find a secluded bathroom that hardly any other people know about.
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i thought about starting its own thread, but this will work...
Been having some issue at work lately. It's a two urinal, 3 toilet setup. The other day i had to take twozzzeee, but when i walk in there, a dude is at the urinal. And of course i freeze and not sure what to do. I mean, do i just squat there and make both of us uncomfortable? No. So i just make my way to the sink and act like I only wanted to wash my hands all along. I mean, i pulled it off flawlessly, but still wonder how it looks to others. Just curious if i was in the wrong...
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i thought about starting its own thread, but this will work...
Been having some issue at work lately. It's a two urinal, 3 toilet setup. The other day i had to take twozzzeee, but when i walk in there, a dude is at the urinal. And of course i freeze and not sure what to do. I mean, do i just squat there and make both of us uncomfortable? No. So i just make my way to the sink and act like I only wanted to wash my hands all along. I mean, i pulled it off flawlessly, but still wonder how it looks to others. Just curious if i was in the wrong...
You have doors and stuff right? :confused:
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i thought about starting its own thread, but this will work...
Been having some issue at work lately. It's a two urinal, 3 toilet setup. The other day i had to take twozzzeee, but when i walk in there, a dude is at the urinal. And of course i freeze and not sure what to do. I mean, do i just squat there and make both of us uncomfortable? No. So i just make my way to the sink and act like I only wanted to wash my hands all along. I mean, i pulled it off flawlessly, but still wonder how it looks to others. Just curious if i was in the wrong...
You have doors and stuff right? :confused:
Yeah, but there are like 1/2 inch gaps between the walls and doors stuff...
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by the time you got in the stall and got all situated he probably would have been gone
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i thought about starting its own thread, but this will work...
Been having some issue at work lately. It's a two urinal, 3 toilet setup. The other day i had to take twozzzeee, but when i walk in there, a dude is at the urinal. And of course i freeze and not sure what to do. I mean, do i just squat there and make both of us uncomfortable? No. So i just make my way to the sink and act like I only wanted to wash my hands all along. I mean, i pulled it off flawlessly, but still wonder how it looks to others. Just curious if i was in the wrong...
You have doors and stuff right? :confused:
Yeah, but there are like 1/2 inch gaps between the walls and doors stuff...
Agreed that's pretty scary. I make a habit of only playing on the home field whenever possible.
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I hate when there's the stupid 1:00 pm Monday staff meeting and everyone's been drinking coffee all morning and at 12:55 you inadvertently find yourself in an unintentionally choreographed million man march to take a leak before the meeting.
It's sooo uncomfortable. These are all dudes you just talked to a few minutes ago. And you're gonna talk to them again in like 5 minutes. But you're all just awkwardly milling around the bathroom waiting your turn and secretly taking notice of who does and doesn't wash their hands.
Also, what's the workplace bathroom etiquette on farting at the urinal? I figure you're in the bathroom so you should have a green light.
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You're not American if you don't and if you don't, you might as well squat and pee with all the other leftist pinko commie bastards.
Also, what's the workplace bathroom etiquette on farting at the urinal? I figure you're in the bathroom so you should have a green light.
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You where the best bathrooms are?
Airports.
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I have only had to go #2 once at an airport, (Orlando International) and there were tons of people in the stalls already going #2, making tons of scary noises. Gives you a lil more confidence when its not quiet and awkward.
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You're not American if you don't and if you don't, you might as well squat and pee with all the other leftist pinko commie bastards.
Also, what's the workplace bathroom etiquette on farting at the urinal? I figure you're in the bathroom so you should have a green light.
You don't have to me feel like a stupid sitzpinkler for asking. I thought this was a safe place. :frown:
:shutsdownemotionally:
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You're not American if you don't and if you don't, you might as well squat and pee with all the other leftist pinko commie bastards.
Also, what's the workplace bathroom etiquette on farting at the urinal? I figure you're in the bathroom so you should have a green light.
You don't have to me feel like a stupid sitzpinkler for asking. I thought this was a safe place. :frown:
:shutsdownemotionally:
please don't fart at a urinal. jesus that's disgusting.
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You where the best bathrooms are?
Airports.
Fatty, Omaha Eppley was named the cleanest airport in the world by somebody according to the urinal pads. 8-)
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FR, Totally not my intent, brah. You're more American than Lethal Weapon 4.
I have no doubt, if you wanted to, you could make me weep for my future. I've seen you do it before on the other boards to some poor soul.
If I could I would reach through this screen and hand you a York Peppermint patty, and I never share anything.
As for Airport restrooms, totally agree. Another one I would throw in there would be Six Flags. Outstanding.
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I hate when there's the stupid 1:00 pm Monday staff meeting and everyone's been drinking coffee all morning and at 12:55 you inadvertently find yourself in an unintentionally choreographed million man march to take a leak before the meeting.
It's sooo uncomfortable. These are all dudes you just talked to a few minutes ago. And you're gonna talk to them again in like 5 minutes. But you're all just awkwardly milling around the bathroom waiting your turn and secretly taking notice of who does and doesn't wash their hands.
Also, what's the workplace bathroom etiquette on farting at the urinal? I figure you're in the bathroom so you should have a green light.
lols luckily my office has a man/woman ratio of about 1:8, so this doesn't happen too much. There is always someone leaving the woman's restroom though.
We also have a single handicap bathroom close by. I usually piss there but i don't dare #2 there. The lock is questionable and has been known to not lock. Plus, I don't want to lay a huge dukie and open the door and have 2 ladies in line. I mean, thats a no win situation.
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I don't like when people fart in urinals so I don't. You know "Do unto others..."
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I usually do a little crop-dusting on my way out the door.
Here's a good one, may have been previously discussed. Do you put tp on the seat, or if they have the tp shaped like the seat, do you pull one out and use it? I mean, if the seat looks like it is carrying something, I'll probably just use another stall.
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our bathroom practically quarantines ass-smell for a day, so whether it's at a urinal or post-shat is irrelevant--so I don't hold back.
How about noise level? Do you wait to let loose until after all have gone or just trumpet it proudly?
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I follow a strict rule of ASOCT (Always sh1t on company time) and the bathrooms across from my office are shared by about 600 aircraft employees that don't shower - so here goes my bathroom etiquette.
1. Fuq putting toilet paper down, I carry a miniature sized bottle of lysol with me if I have to take a sht. (http://www.carsondental.com/admin/uploads/lysoltogo_medium.jpg) It's a must.
2. I love farting while I'm at the urinal, and I usually laugh at myself afterwards.
3. It depends on who is in there when I'm about to take a dump whether I just take care of business or go to the bigger bathroom about 100 yards away. If it's someone in business casual & I don't know them - I usually just stand at a urinal until they leave. If it's someone wearing jeans/tshirt/etc, They're some factory worker or someone from my office so I go for it and usually take something to read.
4. I eat a lot of meat; courtesy flushing is not only a necessity for everyone else, but usually myself as well.
5. Wash hands then grab an extra paper towel to open the door with so I don't touch the door knob after some slob didn't wash his hands.
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I think some protocol is in place for farting at the urinal...
If you are there alone...or you are the only one pissing but others in the room...fart away...
if there is someone at the urinal right next to you, refrain from farting...unless... you have drank beer with person standing next to you at the urinal...then fart away...
complete stranger or vague aquaintence...withhold from farting...
complete stranger that's copping a glance at your junk...fart then piss on his shoes...
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I also like to slap the urinal devider with my hand as I'm shaking the piss off to make it seem like I have really big junk.
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complete stranger that's copping a glance at your junk...fart then piss on his shoes...
BTW, how gross is it when you see some dude wearing brown leather shoes spattered in urine drops? Wide stance, bro.
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complete stranger that's copping a glance at your junk...fart then piss on his shoes...
BTW, how gross is it when you see some dude wearing brown leather shoes spattered in urine drops? Wide stance, bro.
Angle of incidence. Place your shot for minimal splash.
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I follow a strict rule of ASOCT (Always sh1t on company time) and the bathrooms across from my office are shared by about 600 aircraft employees that don't shower - so here goes my bathroom etiquette.
That's awesome. My friend and I went with APOCT. Just sounded better than ASOCT. My friend made a facebook group and everything.
(http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/object3/1891/87/n26045822326_2449.jpg)
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complete stranger that's copping a glance at your junk...fart then piss on his shoes...
BTW, how gross is it when you see some dude wearing brown leather shoes spattered in urine drops? Wide stance, bro.
Angle of incidence. Place your shot for minimal splash.
To be fair, grossly incompetent urinal design plays a role at times.
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I often wonder how old I will be before I'm in a public restroom (doing #1, #2, or just washing my hands) and I hear a few melodic fart sounds come from a locked stall door, and I don't bust out laughing.
I know it's normal, but gawd damn it's still funny.
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My biggest fear is dribbling all over khakis (see prostate push thread).
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My biggest fear is dribbling all over khakis (see prostate push thread).
The old saying 'shake it more than twice, it's a sin' doesn't apply when you are wearing khakis. You gotta shake all the juice out before you re-sheath.