KSUFans Archives
Fan Life => The Endzone Dive => Topic started by: The1BigWillie on June 18, 2009, 04:22:16 PM
-
What do you do, assuming she's in some stage of sleep?
A. Sneak it out slow and little bit a time?
B. Get out of bed go to the bathroom and pee/fart?
C. Just blow ass?
D. Hold it 'til morning?
I typically chose A or B depending on how much I care and how drunk I am. On option B the other night I made my way to the bathroom (stepped on her dog's tail a little but no harm) and went pee. Unfortunately the fart was a 3 phase ripper that was probably loud enough for her to hear. Not sure if she did.
Side note: Anyone ever do A and it smells so bad you're worried she'll wake up? If so would you also blame it on her?
:popcorn:
Winters you can't participate but feel free to read and learn. Half of you are probably virgins too so just pretend you've been in bed with an actual girl.
BMW, farting in bed with a guy is no big deal so you can just move along.
-
A- before I was married
B- too much work
C- after I married
D- you will die
-
dutch oven
-
To women: learn to love a man's gas.
-
I had a live in a few years ago. I pretended to be asleep and cut a loud fart right on her leg. She punched me in the back four or five times. I still never budged. Still asleep. About 15 seconds later the smell hit her and she clawed the crap out of my back and I think she may have been crying a little. I never moved a muscle. I just took the pain. Totally worth it.
-
I never hold back. I have however, become a master of farting silently. If in a group of people, very easy to blame someone else.
As far as the woman, I fart in front of her. Sometimes I fart under the covers and force her head under just for my amusement. Afterwards I blame her for stinking up our bed when I'm trying to get to sleep.
-
dutch oven
this
-
to many variables to discuss
-
dutch oven
+ Infinity
-
I never hold back. I have however, become a master of farting silently. If in a group of people, very easy to blame someone else.
As far as the woman, I fart in front of her. Sometimes I fart under the covers and force her head under just for my amusement. Afterwards I blame her for stinking up our bed when I'm trying to get to sleep.
+1000
Making the woman smell your farts in bed is one of the top 5 things about a relationship, also crapping with the door wide open.
-
really depends bigs. I'd say that if you are going to see her or any of her friends again, you gotta play some D. Otherwise, blame the booze and be a pig. Worth it and who the hell cares. If she loves it, she may have earned an extended stay, if she bolts, laugh.
-
A- before I was married
B- too much work
C- after I married
D- you will die
Pretty much.
-
Let it fly and blame it on the dog.
-
I got sick trying "D" once. Was in a dorm room of a girl I had just started dating (haymaker) and I did slip out a couple of times to go to the bathroom to pee/fart. Had to go over to the boys part, that was awkward. I do remember in one of the stalls they had a magazine holder and someone had written over it "whoever stole my hot rod magazine is a bastard", I lol'd.
-
this whole thread is making me lol, but seriously, wtf is the deal when you're with a girl... nearing the goal line of the hook up and your torso suddenly develops a psi of about three million.
i literally had to get up and walk around awkwardly once, acting like i was "really thirsty" (come on, it was the best i could think of at the time). so i went to the sink, got some water, walked around. started sweating, had the chills, did the buttcheek squeeze dance (but kept it subtle), you know how it goes.... eventually i got the courage to go to the bathroom, but didn't have the balls to drop the epic sh*t that i had coming... it could have ruined everything i had worked so hard for. so i just took a piss, hoping that it would somehow help the pressure inside of me.
and then come the stomach growls. there was a fracking animal living inside of me, and i had to play it off somehow by saying that i was hungry. although these weren't "my stomach's empty" growls, these were absolute "storm's a brewin" growls. and they didn't stop. i deserve a nobel prize for playing this kind of thing off.
in summation, this particular episode didn't end in disaster, but it didn't exactly end with a touchdown. i now try to alleviate the bowels thoroughly before putting myself into any situation that might end like this.
-
this whole thread is making me lol, but seriously, wtf is the deal when you're with a girl... nearing the goal line of the hook up and your torso suddenly develops a psi of about three million.
i literally had to get up and walk around awkwardly once, acting like i was "really thirsty" (come on, it was the best i could think of at the time). so i went to the sink, got some water, walked around. started sweating, had the chills, did the buttcheek squeeze dance (but kept it subtle), you know how it goes.... eventually i got the courage to go to the bathroom, but didn't have the balls to drop the epic sh*t that i had coming... it could have ruined everything i had worked so hard for. so i just took a piss, hoping that it would somehow help the pressure inside of me.
and then come the stomach growls. there was a fracking animal living inside of me, and i had to play it off somehow by saying that i was hungry. although these weren't "my stomach's empty" growls, these were absolute "storm's a brewin" growls. and they didn't stop. i deserve a nobel prize for playing this kind of thing off.
in summation, this particular episode didn't end in disaster, but it didn't exactly end with a touchdown. i now try to alleviate the bowels thoroughly before putting myself into any situation that might end like this.
This is a cautionary tale that every father should share with his son.
:cyclist:
-
this whole thread is making me lol, but seriously, wtf is the deal when you're with a girl... nearing the goal line of the hook up and your torso suddenly develops a psi of about three million.
i literally had to get up and walk around awkwardly once, acting like i was "really thirsty" (come on, it was the best i could think of at the time). so i went to the sink, got some water, walked around. started sweating, had the chills, did the buttcheek squeeze dance (but kept it subtle), you know how it goes.... eventually i got the courage to go to the bathroom, but didn't have the balls to drop the epic sh*t that i had coming... it could have ruined everything i had worked so hard for. so i just took a piss, hoping that it would somehow help the pressure inside of me.
and then come the stomach growls. there was a fracking animal living inside of me, and i had to play it off somehow by saying that i was hungry. although these weren't "my stomach's empty" growls, these were absolute "storm's a brewin" growls. and they didn't stop. i deserve a nobel prize for playing this kind of thing off.
in summation, this particular episode didn't end in disaster, but it didn't exactly end with a touchdown. i now try to alleviate the bowels thoroughly before putting myself into any situation that might end like this.
Perhaps she wanted a hot carl. Never know until you ask.
-
this whole thread is making me lol, but seriously, wtf is the deal when you're with a girl... nearing the goal line of the hook up and your torso suddenly develops a psi of about three million.
i literally had to get up and walk around awkwardly once, acting like i was "really thirsty" (come on, it was the best i could think of at the time). so i went to the sink, got some water, walked around. started sweating, had the chills, did the buttcheek squeeze dance (but kept it subtle), you know how it goes.... eventually i got the courage to go to the bathroom, but didn't have the balls to drop the epic sh*t that i had coming... it could have ruined everything i had worked so hard for. so i just took a piss, hoping that it would somehow help the pressure inside of me.
and then come the stomach growls. there was a fracking animal living inside of me, and i had to play it off somehow by saying that i was hungry. although these weren't "my stomach's empty" growls, these were absolute "storm's a brewin" growls. and they didn't stop. i deserve a nobel prize for playing this kind of thing off.
in summation, this particular episode didn't end in disaster, but it didn't exactly end with a touchdown. i now try to alleviate the bowels thoroughly before putting myself into any situation that might end like this.
Perhaps she wanted a hot carl. Never know until you ask.
Interpret for us old folks?
-
this whole thread is making me lol, but seriously, wtf is the deal when you're with a girl... nearing the goal line of the hook up and your torso suddenly develops a psi of about three million.
i literally had to get up and walk around awkwardly once, acting like i was "really thirsty" (come on, it was the best i could think of at the time). so i went to the sink, got some water, walked around. started sweating, had the chills, did the buttcheek squeeze dance (but kept it subtle), you know how it goes.... eventually i got the courage to go to the bathroom, but didn't have the balls to drop the epic sh*t that i had coming... it could have ruined everything i had worked so hard for. so i just took a piss, hoping that it would somehow help the pressure inside of me.
and then come the stomach growls. there was a fracking animal living inside of me, and i had to play it off somehow by saying that i was hungry. although these weren't "my stomach's empty" growls, these were absolute "storm's a brewin" growls. and they didn't stop. i deserve a nobel prize for playing this kind of thing off.
in summation, this particular episode didn't end in disaster, but it didn't exactly end with a touchdown. i now try to alleviate the bowels thoroughly before putting myself into any situation that might end like this.
Perhaps she wanted a hot carl. Never know until you ask.
Interpret for us old folks?
I was referring to definition 1
1. Hot Carl/Karl 281 up, 39 down love it hate it
A Hot Carl is the act of defacating on someones face. A Warm Carl is defacating on their face whilst covered by plastic wrap. A Cold Carl is defacating on a glass table while someone lies below.
Suzie prefered Warm Carl's. "Less clean up afterward.", she said knowingly. John prefered giving Hot Carl's. "If there's no mess, what's the point?" Lucy liked the added security of the glass provided during a Cold Carl. "I just like watching it come out! Fascinating!"
by Brownson Pincheau Jan 7, 2005 share this
2. Hot Carl/Karl 13 up, 153 down love it hate it
1. an enema with cheap red wine, usually Carlo Rossi Merlot.
2. squirting a red wine enema into another's face for one or both person's sexual gratification.
1- John: Man I am pooped I really need a drink.
Dan: Drink, nah I think what you need is a Hot Carl/Karl.
John: Hot dag, get the turkey baster bartender Hot Carls for the house!
House: Yeaaah
-
You need to seek help. Really.
-
forgot about this until it happened again this morning. you wake up fart, thinking youre alone then roll over and remember youre not.
-
One time I farted in my sleep, and the smell was so awful that it woke me up. I was like, "man, hope the wife doesn't smell it". Like 10 seconds later, I hear "WTF is that f*cking smell??@!?!?" I pretended I was asleep.
-
i've learned if you force a fart out than it's gonna make noise and be loud but if you let it come out naturally then it doesn't make a sound. just a heads up.
-
As I read this I am doing two things:
1) LOL'ing 4 seriouz
B) Sitting on the toilet, eliminating, because I'm about to go over to my new girlfriend's house and I don't want to do tonight what I did the second night we were sleeping together. See gang, I had rolled over in my sleep and I guess she was kind of up against my back. I was the little spoon, which I know is totally :ku: but the position was arranged in my sleep so I am okay with it I guess. I woke up (nude) right in the middle of blasting some gigant ass gas right on her (equally nude) legs. It was a huge fart, d00dz. I mean, it woke me up, for Frank's sake. She punched me in the back. I groggily turned around and looked at her and eeked out a sleepy, "did I just fart on your legs?" She confirmed, and then all I could think to do in my sleepy state was point a finger in her face and yell, ".....that's what YOU get!" Then I rolled over and went back to bed. It was very awkward between us all of the next day. I was all :ohno: about bringing it up.
-
Perhaps she wanted a hot carl.
Widdly widdly widdly widdly widdly wiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhh
(http://media.moddb.com/images/downloads/1/15/14233/Carl-ATHF.jpg)
-
point a finger in her face and yell, ".....you can deal with THAT!"
Jesus... THAT is &@#%ing brilliant. Way to think on your feet!! :lol:
-
As I read this I am doing two things:
1) LOL'ing 4 seriouz
B) Sitting on the toilet, eliminating, because I'm about to go over to my new girlfriend's house and I don't want to do tonight what I did the second night we were sleeping together. See gang, I had rolled over in my sleep and I guess she was kind of up against my back. I was the little spoon, which I know is totally :ku: but the position was arranged in my sleep so I am okay with it I guess. I woke up (nude) right in the middle of blasting some gigant ass gas right on her (equally nude) legs. It was a huge fart, d00dz. I mean, it woke me up, for Frank's sake. She punched me in the back. I groggily turned around and looked at her and eeked out a sleepy, "did I just fart on your legs?" She confirmed, and then all I could think to do in my sleepy state was point a finger in her face and yell, ".....you can deal with THAT!" Then I rolled over and went back to bed. It was very awkward between us all of the next day. I was all :ohno: about bringing it up.
Skinny, I laughed so hard, I think I crap myself!
-
I did it again last night, you guys. :frown:
This time I said, "I think you're just going to have to resign yourself to the fact that I am a gassy individual," and fell right back asleep. :blindfold:
-
You just need to eat more sauerkraut and fried cheese, so that it comes out in a much more silent fashion.
-
I couldn't possibly eat more sauerkraut and fried cheese.
-
I couldn't possibly eat more sauerkraut and fried cheese.
Then how does she feel anything more than a warm breeze on her legs?
-
I did it again last night, you guys. :frown:
This time I said, "I think you're just going to have to resign yourself to the fact that I am a gassy individual," and fell right back asleep. :blindfold:
how she acts in the next 48 hours will determine if she is a keeper or not
-
She's a keeper.
Related: why doesn't this thread have more than two pages? Are that many ksufans posters :ku:?
-
She's a keeper.
Related: why doesn't this thread have more than two pages? Are that many ksufans posters :ku:?
Maybe because not everybody is a big fart blossom like you.
:ugh:
-
:fatty:
-
:rofl:
It's totally sad that I'm wasting my first post on this thread.
But, you bastards have got me rolling on my office floor.
I'm sure my employees here at KAZZU know for sure that I'm going nutz.
-
How is that sad? I'd call it......honorable.
-
I held one last night from about 12:30am to 7:30am. Had relations before going to sleep and this morning before making my exit. Began the farting process on the way down the stairs while leaving the house. She had fans going so I know she couldn't (shouldn't) have heard it. I pretty much farted pretty loudly all the way down the stairs, while sliding my flip flops on, opening the door, out the door, and halfway to my car. At least 30 seconds. No leakage. Loud. Felt incredible.
-
Sad, because you'd think that someone as chronologically gifted as myself would have grown out of the fart-fun stage.
But, to quote Danny Devito, "poop is FUNNY". :bootyshake:
-
It seems inherently ironic to me that you would say "I should have grown up by now" and then in the very next sentence quote a man who...should have 'grown up' by now.
-
I SHOULD have grown up, but apparently I still have some foolishness in me. I think that's a good thing, though. Maybe I'll have grandkids someday and can go back to inventing ways to "lose pressure" like I did when my own kids were little.
-
I think my Danny DeVito is short joke went unnoticed. :frown:
-
Read this article by the Sexpert, and apparently most of you are drinking very cheap beer. If you drink the more expensive stuff like me you wouldn't have those problems.
:beerchug:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,533260,00.html?test=faces
6. Never drink cheap beer and stay overnight.
While your choice beverage may have made things a hoot last night, it runs the risk of making you toot the next morning. Don’t set yourself up to be someone’s gassy guest. Get the walk of shame over with sooner rather than later, lest you stink up someone’s bedroom and bathroom. This is not the kind of lasting impression most seducers are after.
-
I think my Danny DeVito is short joke went unnoticed. :frown:
I saw what you did there. Just now read it though.
-
That so-called sexpert doesn't know what she's talking about. I'd much rather drink 17 Keystones, have an awesome time for less $$, and get super gassy than buy one retardedly expensive imported preemie and nurse it all night just to save myself a little embarrassment. I sure would like to fart on her legs, though.
:yikes:
-
Just did it again.
Told her, "you're welcome."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
8-) This message sent from her stinky bed. 8-)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-
That so-called sexpert doesn't know what she's talking about. I'd much rather drink 17 Keystones, have an awesome time for less $$, and get super gassy than buy one retardedly expensive imported preemie and nurse it all night just to save myself a little embarrassment. I sure would like to fart on her legs, though.
:yikes:
I'd rather dump the Keystone out and spend money I don't necessarily have on the 17 "preemies." jmo.
-
dutch oven
+ Infinity
I'm a big fan of waiting for her to roll over and put her arm around you before letting it fly. I did this several times before the old lady figured out that she could actually feel my abs tighten as I was preparing to push it out. Really solves two problems at once, no more GI pain for me and she is now terrified to spoon with me so I don't have a human space heater touching me all night.
-
Update, guys:
Ms. Alaska appears to be totally cool with farting all the time!
:love: 8-) :love: 8-) :love: 8-) :love: 8-)
-
Update, guys:
Ms. Alaska appears to be totally cool with farting all the time!
:love: 8-) :love: 8-) :love: 8-) :love: 8-)
She should run for president. Love that kind of no-nonsense, down and dirty mentality. :pirate:
-
Update, guys:
Ms. Alaska appears to be totally cool with farting all the time!
:love: 8-) :love: 8-) :love: 8-) :love: 8-)
Haven't eaten jalapeno's yet, have ya?