You all know me. I never start threads, but on the eve before Roll Damn Snyd I have to post something.
Here is a brief list of my hatred for Auburn and why it is the smelly crotch stain of the south.
1) I lived in Auburn, Alabama for 2 years working as a faculty member at Auburn University. You still have a Hastings which is cute and a Shakey's Pizza. Kudos. But all of the students rolling around in running shorts and winter coats when it is 70 degrees makes you look like a bunch of chodes.
2) The Alabama comb-over. All the dudes in Alabama walked around campus with tight ass khaki shorts that clearly ride up the cornhole with tucked in shorts, a stupid comb-over that is clearly inbred with adorning boat shoes/loafers. And enough with the Risky Business 80s sunglasses. We get it...you're trying to be all southerny and preppy which is a complete paradox. That is like saying my trailor is a mansion. Accept the inbred genes you came from people.
2) Boiled peanuts.
3) Toomer's corner is pretty cool. I get that. But driving on College Street is one of the worst things possible in a town that size. People use the turn lane like a regular driving lane and it's racist. Magnolia is the AIDS of streets and we need to stop that epidemic before it gets out of control.
4) Loachapoka Syrup Sop. I don't get it. It's a small town festival for syrup, but like one vendor has syrup. It's mostly a cover to sell E Coli infested turtles and racist things like lynches and confederate flags.
5) Public prayer. Every time I went out to dinner with my colleagues at AU, they prayed before the meal. I love the G-O-D but it is awkward sitting around while people hold hands and pray before meals wondering where their hands have been.
6) Chicks wearing sundresses. That's pretty hot. You've got that going for you.
7) Jordan-Hare Stadium or should I say copycat of Arrowhead stadium. Auburn, your stadium is a house of lies. The stadium is clearly a rip-off of Arrowhead stadium. You'll never be Alabama.
8) Aubie. You are the worst of all. You constantly look like you are having a seizure. Get some meds man. You walk around like a tiger, but tigers don't walk on two feet. That's un-American you douches. Aubie's head is beyond flat which is probably the result of inbreeding or being eaten by all those war eagles flying around.
9) War Eagle. What the eff is that? What is this Rome? The story of how it even came about is a total lie. Plus, when I went to a game against Mississippi State I saw the damn eagle slam into the glass of the press box. That is inhumane and cruel. Southern hospitality...more like brutally slaying animals across all walks of life.
