Bread: you were a old coordinator and took a chance on the worst college football team in the country. You recruited super crappy small town white dudes, made them awesome, and then good players from Texas came here. You were a super mean dick to some of the best young coaches in the nation. But they were still on your staff. We were super close to 2 natty runs. Your special teams blocked kicks and scored points. It was as fun as I have had in my life. And you have a highway named after you.
Meat: You never win big games anymore. You love your fellow old coordinators and it is killing us. The special teams haven't blocked a kick in forever. Your sideline literally looks lost and we get penalized like every series. When it comes down to clutch time, I actually think the other coach has the advantage.
Bread: you are a legend and you pretend to work super late.