i think i need to take a break and consider giving up alcohol for the rest of my life. that's incredibly hard to say. my problem isn't how often i drink, it's that once i start there's no stopping me until i black out. it's been this way for damn near 20 years now. it's the same vicious cycle of getting too drunk, feeling like crap about it, and then completely forgetting it happened two weeks later. it is affecting my marriage. i feel so awkward typing this out but i spend every day on this #blog so it felt like the right place to put it.
Pete motivated me to provide an update here. I never said thank you to those that voiced their support in this thread - but I do very much appreciate those that reached out. Since this post - I did not give up alcohol, but continued to address my issues with lacking control in certain situations. I'm still fully capable of going out and getting blasted, but it just doesn't happen like it used to - partly because of getting older and having different priorities, but also just because of finally getting to the point of admitting that I have a problem with overconsumption and being open about it. I'm at a good spot with my wife on this too, she's my ultimate partner on this. Constant communication about struggles, triggers, etc. She has been a huge help. It will never be something I can say I've "solved," but at this moment in time I feel good about it.