SchulzPak

June 16, 2010 – Wichita, KS

Days after resolution of Conference Armageddon, goEMAW took to the Wichita Catbackers’ Summer Bash with a mission, present President Schulz with the first ever goEMAW Certificate of Participation for his successful efforts in saving KSU from mid-majordom (officially). Naturally, not only was the mission accomplished, Kellis was mocked and bros were ICE’d.

Trim, MakeItRain and ChiCat checked in and promptly found a table near the beer stand. After filling up, they made their way to the food line where Hero Frank Martin was being pestered/interviewed by Kellis, who we still hate. Upon answering all of Kellis’ undoubtedly pointless questions, Trim greeted Frank and asked how he could tolerate talking to that douchebag. Coach Martin does not have an official on-the-record answer.

Following the feast of ribs, fried chicken and assorted sides, Schulz was seen speaking with Frank. ChiCat and Trim decided this was a good a time as ever and made their way over.

Then this happened.

Schulz seemingly could not have been happier with his certificate and Olive Garden gift card. However, not long after the presentation, Athletic Director John Currie was seen walking around the facility carrying both the certificate and card and seemingly displeased. Was Trim and all of goEMAW about to be Dax’d?

The official Catbackers program began with Schulz leading off. He gave mention to his misguided Olive Garden tweets but failed to acknowledge the goEMAW award. Uh-oh. Currie was next and he still did not seem to see the humor in goEMAW’s presence, although he did crack some side-splitting jokes such as Colorado going to the “Slack-10″.

Trim and ChiCat continued to set the pace at the beer stand.  Frank gave his usual kick-ass speech. Jordan Henriquez-Roberts (“JoHenRo”) was one of if not the only athlete in attendance and was brought forward around this point. Wyatt Thompson did an interview with him that went from informal to ugly.

After some joking back-and-forth regarding JoHenRo’s slim physique, Wyatt suggested that he go back and eat some more fried chicken. While Lon Floyd nodded approvingly from the back, every old cracka within 15 feet of the goEMAW table turned to MakeItRain, presumably to see if he was headed to the stage to end Wyatt’s tenure as Voice of the Wildcats along with his life. Of course, MakeItRain and goEMAW would expect nothing less than blatant racism from an event such as this and were simply laughing at the awkwardness.

At this point, Trim was on a steady rotation between the table, the beer stand and the pisser. Upon one of his trips back, he happened upon Currie. Time to calm some waters. Trim sidled up next to Currie and let him know that if he’s lucky, there just might be a Certificate of Participation waiting for him at the following night’s event in KC, and that had there been a gift for him as ideal as the Olive Garden gift card was for Schulz, it would have been presented already. Currie said that wouldn’t be necessary and Trim reminded him he needs to keep a sense of humor about these things. Currie agreed and hopefully in his mind crossed Trim off his People To Dax list.

Schulz eventually came back towards the area near the goEMAW table and was once again carrying his certificate and gift card! Apparently Currie only had it because Schulz told him to carry it for him. ChiCat chatted him up for a little bit and then Trim made sure Schulz knew he’d have to use the stand to display the certificate as he’d broken one of the hanging hooks trying to get the thing in the frame. Trim also said he wanted to know how many breadsticks Schulz ate when he used the gift card. Schulz stated he was done tweeting about the Olive Garden, but would make an exception for goEMAW.

OB gave an unmemorable speech, which Trim used as an opportunity to ICE an Athletic Department staffer who lurks on goEMAW but refused to reveal his name.  Eventually the kid retreated to the back (the back of the room, not the place where people kill themselves) and took the grape ICE.  chum1 has gone to great lengths to protect this bro’s identity by concealing even his clothing from the evening, although the all-purple business casual would not have been a bad choice.

At some point, OB stopped talking and the program ended. MakeItRain approached JoHenRo to get his take on Wyatt going opcat on him. JoHenRo took the high road.  Eventually the subject turned to food. JoHenRo mentioned digging Big D’s in Manhattan but was less than enthused about the $8 price tag there. Trim suggested he go to Houlihan’s in the future, drop some elite names and get some free apps.  JoHenRo eventually realized he was dealing with some Section 17ers and requested that a Panama flag be put on display this upcoming season.

goEMAW picked up some KSTATEO posters on the way out and celebrated a job well done in Old Town into the wee hours of the night. The night ended with Trim staring blankly at the food he and ChiCat ordered from Old Chicago, before he threw some twenties on the table and stormed out. Nobody was choked.